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But he won't really die until I do." Then Karen had to hold her while she cried again. For just as long. These were her Hard Things. That day was the hardest day of my life. Sitting there and not being able to hold her. Or even pretend to hold her while she listened to me talk to her on the phone. "Hope honey, Don loves you now, just like Chris did." Don's trying to love me. Chris still does." Hope had forgotten that I was even in the room or it would have hurt even worse. She was in her nightmare past. I thanked God that Karen was there with her. "I've never loved anyone as much as Chris and I love each other. Not even my husband. He can rot in hell too."_________ Hope's ex, Bill: "Tell me about your husband. How did you meet him? "He worked at the pharmacy. He was nice to me, he always asked me how I was doing. I was on a lot of meds after Chris left." She almost broke down completely again. She proved how tough she is that afternoon.. The handle was heavy in my hand. It felt as though you would only have to lean the point of the blade on flesh and then let go to have the knife slice into flesh. It was frightening me and I was holding it. I put it back quickly into its sheath. There was other stuff too, in the pockets of the bag. A small camera and a packet of condoms that hadn't been opened.Then there was his computer. He really hadn't been careful with that. The history log of his browser was pretty incriminating. Site after site that featured girls tied up and gagged. I mean, I know there's a lot of porn on the Internet but I hadn't realised how specialised this stuff could be. Secretaries in bondage, tied cheer leaders, uniform bondage ... all sorts. It was pretty obvious where his interests lay. None of the girls were naked though, I noticed. Odd that. I mean you'd have thought – well, I'd have thought – that it was some sort of sex thing and he'd want them naked, but no. And it wasn't really porn, either..
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